Fear (Part 2)

Written by on Apr 21 2016

Part 1 was published six years ago.

Here’s Part 2.

Fear drives us all. It drives your parents, friends, clients, girl/boy-friends, employees, and probably you as well. It motivates us to work hard and it can paralyse us from doing great things.

We are all human beings who want to be loved, accepted, appreciated and to belong. We want to be liked and we want people to think we are cool. We also want to be safe/secure, clothed, and fed.

Everything we do is intended to bring those needs closer to us.

Sometime our perspective is skewed. We might use self-destructive behaviors to bring one of those things closer to us. For example, using heroin to bring one of those things closer to us. It doesn’t actually bring anything positive close to us, but that is what one hopes the heroin will do. (Confusing stopping the pain with being loved.)

Sometimes we’re afraid of being hurt, rejected, appearing foolish, losing money or love, and that fear pushes us to make a choice that actually causes the bad thing to happen. Like when someone loves us and we’re afraid to lose them so we reject them before they have a chance to reject us.

The trick is to master your fear, to know it so it can be a guide to positive change or protection, and to know when it is trying to fool us into making a bad choice. I’ve found that by exploring my fears, trying to understand what it is about the situation that is causing my fear, I’ve been able to use my own fears as an ally and a healthy guide. This works when dealing with my kids, ex-wife, business partner, employees, and customers. I’m not 100% successful, but I have improved with practice.

I have a note that I keep on my laptop monitor as a constant reminder: “Be content to be thought of as foolish and stupid.”


Hi I'm Steven,

I wrote the article you're reading... I lead the developers, write music, used to race motorcycles, and help clients find the right features to build on their product.

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