But What Have I Learned?

Written by on Oct 3 2017

If you’re reading this, you know Steve was such a dear person to me, more than a business partner, he was my ally, my cheerleader, my confidant…he cared about me and my family and my well-being. Simply put in his suicide note Steph left me, she said “I know you love me and I love you too.”

For me, losing Steve put a magnifying glass on character flaws. It’s hard not to note these emotions from such a life-changing event.

Questions run through my head in the times in which I’m trying to find stillness.

  • Was Steve the only reason we’ve been successful?
  • Will I be a failure without his wisdom and creativity?
  • Will I let everyone down?
  • Will I do “better” without him?
  • Is this a time I should change the company and go in a different direction?
  • Will I regret not changing the company?
  • How can I continue to use this company name (LessEverything) without him?
  • Will I be able to handle these new tasks?
  • How can I honor Steve but not be weighed down by it?
  • Is this the appropriate amount of grief?

Then I land on “what have I learned”…I can get through any life event if I’m able to feel like I learned something, but what have I learned from losing Steve?

As I’m grinding my brain on my emotions I end on that question because I haven’t learned anything. I sit here, wishing I could find the silver lining in this situation. I wish there was a great life lesson in this…something I could tell others and brighten up their mood.

Even without a silver lining life moves forward without Steve.

Normally Steve would have proofread my blog post, so this is also new to me.


Hi I'm Allan,

I wrote the article you're reading... I'm one of the co-founders of LessEverything. I love my family more than breathing and I love creating videos about our family adventures.

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