Life Is Hard -- Focus on Happiness
written by Steven on February 21, 2011
I woke up this morning at 5:00AM. I read and almost fell back asleep, but then my brain started grinding on stuff and I woke up again. I repeated half a dozen times and finally tried that trick with iPhone games, but had the same result. I don't remember the last time I had more than one's decent night's sleep in a week. I'm stressed. I have too many things on my plate. This weekend I found myself impatient and yelling at my kids. They didn't do anything out of the ordinary, I have great, well behaved kids. Although I was too stressed/tired/whatever to curb my behavior, I was not too much so to observe it. I don't want to live like this.
The last two years have been the hardest of my life. The last six months things have been getting better until some time in December I was back. I was normal (normal for me). Now I find myself stressed out again to the point of being unhealthy. At the beginning of the year I decided that this was going to the be "year of Steve," kind of like the "summer of George." This morning I saw the way back to that. Today I will execute.
Life is hard. But the purpose of life is to be happy. Success should be judged not on wealth or accumulation of stuff, or even of how kind one is, but on how happy one is. Happiness is the goal. Everything else is just a means (all be it, an often misguided means) to that end.
For me, the key is to focus on what brings me happiness. My kids, my friends, my work. Today is the day I make deep cuts to focus on the things that bring me happiness or the the things that don't today, but are a true means to that end (like doing work I don't like). If I'm not finding joy in watching my children, then everything else needs to change until that is once again the status quo. That is my litmus test.
Take an inventory of yourself to discover what brings you happiness. Cut down everything else until you are only doing things that move you on the path to happiness. That is what's best for you, your family and your business.
What brings you happiness, what do you do that is a misguided means to that end? What can you cut out today? What is your litmus test?
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Steven Bristol has written code for the past 20 years. He like green vegetables and kittens, oh and butterflies too. He loves to throw ninja stars at his enemies.
13 Comments
The problem for me is that the things stressing me out are what I thought would be the final trials in between myself and my happiness.
It’s a convenient lie, but it’s hard to catch early.
I love my work, it’s just that I don’t know when to quit.
Nathan,
Quit the thing that stresses you out most, then see what happens. None of this has to be dramatic or “all or nothing.” We do many things that we think will bring us happiness that don’t, drugs are a great extreme example of this. We can experiment with all kinds of things; every once in a while we need to stop and take inventory and see what’s working and what’s not. Then cut the things that aren’t and try new things or just focus on what is working.
Steve, you are right and you are doing the right thing: the goal is to be happy. I’m with you on this, I’m happy that you discovered and put this truth in writing. Only you can make this “The Year of Steve”.
You said everything was well until two years ago: can you find out what happened that caused the change? Knowing it may help achieving happyness and balance in life.
Steve, you are my son, I love you and your happiness makes me happy. Thank you, Dad
Hi pop,
You, like everyone else, will have to wait for the book! ;)
Agree that happiness is the most important thing, but I don’t like to think of it as a goal I’m trying to achieve. It’s more of a framework for making decisions, which keeps results in happiness so long as I follow it.
“happiness is a journey, not a destination”
Lar,
I like that, but it doesn’t really help when we fall out of happiness. I think happiness is both a journey and a destination. I think that koan is more meaning that it’s not like you arrive at happiness and then you’re done, it means, don’t ever forget you are on the path of happiness and it’s your job to stay on that path.
Wow! Love, love, love it! Keep it up babe!
Susie, Thanks love! :* <3
Great post. I love when the personalities of companies come out openly and honestly through their founders and team.
Re: happiness. One of the most difficult things is separating the journey from the destination. I agree that happiness is both. Without a destination, we are just wandering. Without a journey, we can quickly lose sight of what’s important.
I hear (I just bought a book to start practicing) this is what Mindful Meditation is supposed to address… focusing on the here and now, experiencing and enjoying the present moment.
Anyways, thanks!
Chad
I get a ton of enjoyment out of traveling and having the freedom to go where I want and work on the things that I love to work on. Unfortunately, over the last couple of years my day job has evolved to where my days consist of meetings and shielding my team (I manage developers now) from a very political environment. This isn’t what I signed up for when I started off as a developer.
I moved into this role because it came with a very large increase in pay which I thought would result in more traveling and nicer things. Problem is that I still have to “ask” to take a couple of weeks off (which isn’t enough) and I don’t really care about having nicer “things” (not sure why I thought I would).
But this is why I launched my product a little over a year ago — to change this. And this week, I’ll be giving my notice to cut this out. I won’t be going to another job or doing consulting. Nope, I’m earning enough from my product to have the freedom and flexibility that I’ve been looking for. Totally excited about that :)
Chad, Thanks for commenting! :)
Ruben,
That’s awesome news!!! Congratulations!!! I’ll be there soon. :)
Steven- been there plenty of times. 3 kids and a patient wife.
It’s tough to see sometimes, but my happiness is strongest when I try to make those around me happy. Easy to say, hard to do.
Anyhow, good luck with your effort!
Bryan