Fear just refocuses itself

Written by on Jan 24 2013

I guess as you get older you reflect more on yourself and your interactions with other people. At least it’s true for me.

Recently, I’ve considered joining a Toastmasters Group.

From ToastMasters.org:
A Toastmasters meeting is a learn-by-doing workshop in which participants hone their speaking and leadership skills in a no-pressure atmosphere. There is no instructor in a Toastmasters meeting. Instead, members evaluate one another’s presentations. This feedback process is a key part of the program’s success. Meeting participants also give impromptu talks on assigned topics, conduct meetings and develop skills related to timekeeping, grammar and parliamentary procedure.

My 18-year-old self is thinking, “Allan, you fat jerk, this isn’t badass, its lame. You want to get better at public speaking? What happened to you? Head to the gym and do some curls for the girls.”

My focuses the first 22 years of my life were football and my body. Every day, all year long I was trying to build the biggest, fastest, strongest version I could be. I had no fear to run, run plays, lift, get weighed or measured in front of coaches, teammates and scouts. But I wouldn’t dare have written a blog post about my feelings and insecurities. Playing in front of 70,000 fans in college was not scary, delivering a two-minute breakdown of the creation process of my art in college in front 55 people was terrifying.

The things that I fear now are different. My fears have shifted.

I’m redesigning LessAccounting right now. I’m posting previews on Dribbble and asking to be judged, but it’s terrifying. Currently, I’m battling the design I want to deploy and the fear of being too silly and unprofessional. I fear the app will not be taken seriously or given proper respect if I don’t adhere to fad design trends and follow in the path established by the norm.

I’m writing this thinking, “No one will understand your odd insecurities. Don’t publish this article. Readers will think you’re silly, childish and have less respect for you.” My fears have shifted.

No matter how many fears you conquer, you’re going to find new ones to battle. The fear of being judged tries to stop me every day, every tweet, every event we host, every design I create, every blog post. It’s whispering to me, blend in or be judged. So everyday I still fight the fear and push-on releasing my creations.


Hi I'm Allan,

I wrote the article you're reading... I'm one of the co-founders of LessEverything. I love my family more than breathing and I love creating videos about our family adventures.

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